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Monday, September 6, 2010

Running is my therapy...

Hello All! Happy Labor Day, I hope everyone had a beautiful weekend.  It was perfect running weather here in New Jersey.  The type of weather we wait all year for and pray that it never goes away.

So, I have a confession to make... two nights ago my emotions got the best of me and I was not confident or positive at all.  As my boyfriend and I were about to go to bed, I was suddenly overcome with strong emotions due to rejection (isn't it funny how these things come and bit you in the butt out of nowhere?). It was as if all of a sudden everything that has happened with my work situation was dumped on me all at once.  Whyyyy didn't they hire me? What did I do wrong?  If I had a teaching job would I still be pursing a Nutrition Degree? Then it hit me, the hardest question, is the reason I do not want to teach any more because of all of this rejection?  I have come to believe that I cannot be a good teacher, regardless of how well I did in my student teaching, and regardless of how much I loved it, at this point I have convinced myself that I won't be happy as a teacher. But, is this all because of the rejection? Have I trained myself to believe these thoughts as resilience?  This realization caused me to have so much hatred.  I went to sleep that night with these feelings still very present... and I woke up on a beautiful morning with more sadness and anger then I had before.  Just the thought of it immediately brought on the water works... I was in a state I could not get out of... a very sad state. The worst part was that I could not even enjoy this beautiful weekend!

So, I did what I know always makes me feel amazing: I laced up my sneakers and headed out for a run in the woods.  For the first mile my mind was replaying the past year, as I was trying to figure out what exactly I did wrong. But then by the second mile, as I entered my favorite part of the woods, my senses kicked back in. I felt the cool end-of-summer breeze that rustled through the trees. I looked around at the bank I was passing through and noticed the sun glistening through the trees. I took a deep breath in, the smells were magnificent, the pine, the fresh air, it was a surreal experience. And then, my stress was gone.. anger, sadness and all, and my confidence returned. I felt strong, I felt smart, I felt determined, and I felt like I was on the right path, once again. Yesterday I not only ran my longest run of 7 miles, but I ran with passion. The passion I had lost for those few sad hours.  Running brought me back down to Earth and helped me to remember that everything happens for a reason. I am in the situation I am in, because there is more that I need to do.  I do not need (or really want) to be a preschool teacher.  I need and want to teach something I am passionate about, and that is Nutrition. Running reminded me that I am and will be a great teacher, and I will change many lives.  I am so blessed to have running as my therapy. Who needs drugs or therapy when you have two legs to run with?

Oceanic Bridge, Rumson, New Jersey (9/4/10)

"Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary. Then ask yourself, and yourself alone, one question . . . Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn't it is of no use. Both paths lead nowhere; but one has a heart, the other doesn't. One makes for a joyful journey; as long as you follow it, you are one with it. The other will make you curse your life. One makes you strong; the other weakens you."- Carlos Castaneda


  1. Glad to hear that running helps clear your mind.
    Don't let these little bumps in the road get you down, I think in a way we kind of all need them, they help give us strenght, build character, they help make us better people in the long run.

    Have a great week!

  2. Don't worry about the job, everyone is going through the same thing. That's just the way things are right now, nothing to do with your ability because we all know you would make an amazing fabulous teacher and they are lucky to have you at all! :) Now go eat some semolina bread! LOL!